Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
