im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
