is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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