Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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