Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
