literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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