So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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