Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
