he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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