This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
