someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
