I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
