Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
