so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
