the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
