i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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