Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
