Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
