I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
