these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
