We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
