so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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