My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
