I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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