I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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