So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
