I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
