she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
