What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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