Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
