Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
