Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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