Swine flu. Run for my life!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
