Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
