i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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