i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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