I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
