Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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