apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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