The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
