I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
