guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
