think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
