Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
