I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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