I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
