Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
