Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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