I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
