I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
