A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
