Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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