pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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