Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
