your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
